The Bear Patrol delivered its first annual report to the council on Tuesday and stated that in twelve months of searching it had not found who bears the cost of anything.

The Patrol was established last year with a mandate to determine, for each program the city adopts, who ends up paying for it. It has a director, two analysts, a vehicle, and an office on the third floor. It has looked in the budget, in the tax roll, in the minutes, and along the river. Nobody has been found bearing a cost.

The director characterized this as a success. "A year ago we had no idea who bears the cost," she told the council. "Today we can confirm that no one does." Members applauded.

Asked whether the absence of anyone bearing a cost might instead reflect the Patrol's methods, the director referred the question to the report, which does not address it.

The report does recommend a purchase. The Patrol has identified a rock which, according to its vendor, ensures that costs are not borne. The rock was tested by placing it in the Patrol's office, where, over the same twelve months, no costs were observed to be borne by anyone. A purchase order in the amount of $40,000 was approved on a voice vote.

Asked how the rock works, the director said it doesn't. The council then asked whether the Patrol might acquire a second one.

The cost of the Patrol itself — the salaries, the vehicle, the third floor, the rock — was raised by one member, who wished to know who bears it. The director said the Patrol had opened a file.

Koala Russell attended and sat at the back. When the vote on the rock was taken he stroked his chin. He did not speak, and the minutes record no position.

The Patrol's second year begins in January. It will look in the same places.